What doesn’t kill you leaves you lying awake at 2am wishing it had
Yes i will sleep great. Wtf is wrong with me. Why do i have to be sick?!?? Of all years, of course senior year. The time where we actually have activities that i guess im not allowed to do. Theres always something in the way. Im waiting for that shit quote “better things happen with patience” dude im a Capricorn. Capricorns are known for their patience. I’ve been bottling up all this anxiety in me and the sweats and tears. God just wants to add me being sick, stressed, and sad right now. I’ve been waiting all my life for something life changing.
What the fuck is wrong with my life? What the fuck is wrong with me?
What the fuck is wrong with this shady ass weather?
What the fuck is wrong with my parents?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
What the fuck did i do wrong to deserve this sick shit?
I passed all my proficiencies and then the school just keeps wanting to make my life more difficult? Wtf. No breaks were taken during this fucked up year. It was just lecture after lecture. I know theres pressures of being 18 highschool and graduating and the next big step to college. It just seems that my health does not fit into the list at fucking all. I feel like im snotting out blood, my head is about to fall off my body, my whole body feels like a sauna cooking up and fully boiling, my stomache is about to explode. No none of that shit matters. I have to pass classes. I have to graduate. Its like im not done. Ever. With things like this. I would want to be given time and eventually i’llget into it. My moms voice lives inside my head. She is constantly yelling and tellin me whats wrong with me. Theres me not saying a single word. Not a single expression to be shown. Im so worn out and im exhausted of this. I thought things would be better after me passing but i guess not. God planned this for me to get through it and be stronger. I know. Because everything seems like a fucking test. No breaks whatsoever. Im so fuckin worn out and sick and i cant breathe and i cant start to think without everyone’s opinion on everything i do in life. Like how are they goin to know what they’re doing in years from now. You could fucking change your dumbass minds. Life is about taking risks and options. We dont just take one path straight to whatever. The path itself is gonna be bumpy and you will have no choice but to turn right when you have to go left. So fuck back up plans college and your dream universities. Stick it up your ass. After i graduate which i will. I wont let anyone get in the way of my happiness anymore. Im so done. I wont put up with the same bullshit everyday. I wont have to be around people who didnt even want to be around me.
But for now i just want peace because my head is the size of the earth and its about to be the real end of the world in a few mins.
I need at least a year of stress free life. Thats my new goal.